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May. 27th, 2008 @ 02:53 am
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If the world is so full of lonely people, why don't more of them meet each other?
If so many of us are lonely, we should never be alone. It's a sad, twisted paradox....
....that just makes you feel all the more lonely. |
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Burden of Guilt, SS/RL, NC-17
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May. 5th, 2008 @ 09:31 pm
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Title: Burden of Guilt
Rating: NC-17 NWS
Pairing: Remus/Snape
Word Count: 1,616
Kink: cutting, whipping, bondage, torture, dubcon, D/s, mental instability, BDSM? NOT a fluff!fic - this is dark!fic!
Challenge: LMoM 2008/Snupin Dark!fic month
Notes: Thanks, Rosy, for giving it a look through!
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but my they're fun to torment!
( Burden of Guilt )
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Flying Lessons: Family Fest fic
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May. 1st, 2008 @ 02:47 pm
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Title: Flying Lessons
Author: Serpenscript
Rating: PG-13 for violent situations?
Pairings: Background Lupin/Snape
Word Count: 7,660
Disclaimer: Sadly, these belong to the woman with a warped psychology. We who write with them now are technically just borrowing them to play.
Written for: Family Fest 2008
Prompt: Teddy's learning to fly like Papa Snape. Harry Potter thinks he's being turned to the Dark side of Magic. Remus is torn between his adopted godson (Harry) and his family. Teddy--with wisdom out of the mouths of babes--will save the day.
Other Comments: Thanks go to TMM and Enigmalea, who both did last-minute betas! Any plothols still remaining are completely my own fault. EDIT: I redid the formatting, so it should be cleaner and I think I managed to get the comments out this time. T_T
( Teddy liked flying... )
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General bad-day ness
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Apr. 28th, 2008 @ 02:30 pm
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Sorry for not posting in a while. It's been hard to get back into the swing of things; I didn't realise just how hard papa's death would be to cope with, how much I would miss someone I was seeing every day for a while. I cried every day for a couple weeks before I felt like doing anything...bento was about my only hobby. It was something that didn't have memories attached to it. It was new.
( Grief and Other Various Emotional Outbursts Under the Cut )
In an attempt to be cheerful, and because I promised Mnem that I'd post, I'm still making bento - made 60 of them now, in fact. And I've dropped one size just from healthy food and portion control. Amazing isn't it?
This is my newest pinnacle of bento greatness:
This is not a 'real' bento box - it's a pencil box I've had since gradeschool, with a handy center divider. It's a little too big for a traditional men's bento, I think, but it's about right for the skinny hubby's voracious appetite. Anyway, I am SO proud of the way it came out. Rice done with rice cubers; alternating black sesame seed and homemade carrot-egg furikake. In the green cup is my first attempt at tamagoyaki (rolled omelette) with shredded crabstick in it. It's really good! Then there's cucumber flowers with strawberry, and a few slices of the cucmber 'negatives' to fill space. Parsley garnishes. Not shown, a sidecar with the rest of the cuke negatives and some cookies.
This I'm showing because it's my favourite new bento box from shoppingkawaii.com or something. Cost $18 and shipping, but it's SO adorable. It has grape tomatoes, green beans, and a tamagoyaki heart in the top half of the first tier. Second half has another tomato, half a strawberry, cucumber slices under 40 spices hummus with cuke and tomato garnish. Second tier is sticky white rice with carrot and egg furikake. Pocky in the lid.
And this is my other bento box, with a matching side car. Food isn't worth mentioning, except for the fact that the sprouts I grew myself, and cantaloupe melon balls are AMAZING when sprinkled with ginger sugar.
Some other notables:
Hubby bento with onigiri and melon balls and meat wraps
Molded onigiri with melon balls and a grape flower - so pretty
Spinach salad, veggie fritatta thing, fruit salad and veg
Lame Pikachu Charaben
Sandwiches make cute bento, too
Under da Sea!
Oodles o Noodles (with some meat and veg)
Sonic the Hedgehog Charaben for the hubby
Current Mood:  depressed |
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Easter Obento
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Mar. 23rd, 2008 @ 05:56 pm
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It's a bit of a gloomy Easter, since we have no car; we couldn't get to the church service, hubby's still coping with papa's death, mama didn't feel up to church, the littlest brother had to fly back to college, and the second oldest had to work today. In the end, I seem to be the only one with any desire to celebrate Easter and all it stands for. :(
I did make Easter bentos, not because we went anywhere (we didn't), but because I desperately wanted to cheer the hubby up, and he told me earlier that even if he's too listless to respond to it, the cheerful bentos make him feel more encouraged and cheered.
( Easter Bentos )
To those who celebrate Easter, Have a Happy, Hoppy Easter!
To those who celebrate Easter for the religious significance, He Is Risen!
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Bento Blues
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Mar. 22nd, 2008 @ 09:41 pm
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Please, for the love of all that's merciful, can anyone point me to a bento community? If not, would anyone be willing to START one here on IJ with me? It's just getting a little discouraging on my own. *I* like making meals that, even if it's no more than a sandwich/fruit/dessert, looks unique and beautiful. It makes the hubby feel special when the meal looks cool, way more special than the others at work have. It means he and I eat more creative, balanced meals in healthy portions.
But my extended family - mother, father, siblings, inlaws - all think bentos are 'stupid' and a 'waste of time'. They aren't interested in ideas, tools, or seeing the bentos I've worked so hard to make special. This is really, really discouraging for me. So please, if any of you make bentos, and are in/are interested in a community for bentos, please let me know? Pretty please?
( More Bento Pictures )
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Meta Post - Bento?
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Mar. 21st, 2008 @ 05:02 pm
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I'm supposed to write a 'meta post' - but everyone's already written on what I would write, already, and done better at it than *I* would have. :(
What I CAN write on is that today I went shopping. For things to make more creative, better bentos with. Cookie cutters in all shapes and sizes. Food markers. Lock-tights that I can use as bento-boxes until we can afford the more costly but more elegant bento boxes. Sushi rice and fresh fruit and veggies. Bean sprouts (dollar for a huge bag of them - mmm, bean sprouts!). And so on. I really spent too much, but I don't think I'll need to go shopping any time soon, either. o_O
Most of my female friends think it's cute or fun or creative, but nearly all my guy friends think it's dumb - "Why put so much time into something that's going to be eaten?" Why, indeed?
Why do you go to expensive restaurants and find the food so artistically arranged - when you're just going to eat it?
My conclusion - and that of many others - is that when food is not just GOOD to the taste, but also appealing to the eyes, when you eat it slowly and savour it - that you will be satisfied with less, instead of overeating, or simply eating too fast and not registering when you're full. I really like that aspect especially - the being satisfied with less - as I really DO need to eat less and lose weight. But for me, there's an additional facet as well.
We live on a REALLY low food budget. We just don't have money for a lot of variety in our diet - rice and sandwiches, ramen, rice and sandwiches - it gets DULL after a while. But I think being creative in how things are made and how they look can make a huge difference in attitude. I think the hubby, when he takes a creatively made lunch to work and opens it up to see sandwiches with cutouts, or roll-up sandwiches that look like sushi, that instead of thinking, "Oh, balogna again," he gets to be surprised with something new and fresh, however similar it might taste.
It makes HIM feel special that I'm preparing lunches tailored to appeal and look cool to him; it makes me happy knowing that, although he's really eating PB&J or balogna sandwiches and an apple, that it looks like something to rival a gourmet lunch anyone else might have.
It's something more than food, it's psychology. And if it keeps us healthy by eating less, AND caters to the hunger in every person that wants to be 'special', then I don't see anything 'stupid' about making bentos.
And yea, my bentos don't feature much in the way of traditional Oriental food (though I confee a certain amount of glee for the first octodog I made), but they do feature food that I've worked hard to make colorful, palatable, and enjoyable :)
Pictures of the newest bentos under the cut:
( Bentos 2 and 3 )
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The Bento Journey Begins!
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Mar. 19th, 2008 @ 11:55 pm
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Yesterday I was pouring over blogs and scrapbooks FULL of gorgeous bento pictures, from the cute-and-cuddly children's bentos to hearty bentos to light-snack bentos to breakfast bentos, and finally decided to leap in and take the plunge. Never mind that my fridge is empty, we have no car to go grocery shopping, and we lack actual bento boxes - I made a bento for dinner, hee hee. For my hubby and me!
Here's what's in it: From the left - roll up bologna sandwiches, peas and carrots, my first attempt at two hot dog octopi and a hot dog crab. On the right, white basmati rice with black sesame seed and a gingerbread man cut out of very very thin sliced bologna (a gingerbread man was the *only* cookie cutter I had), and diced chicken with more black sesame and teriyaki sauce. It was a lot of fun to do, and I was really proud of how it turned out, for using such untraditional foods.
Tomorrow morning the little brother is picking me up and taking me to the grocery store, and I can get food and fruit and veggies for future bentos, though the bentos for tomorrow are already made :)
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Mar. 19th, 2008 @ 03:25 pm
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Mar. 14th, 2008 @ 12:01 pm
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I've been rather twitchy since the funeral ended; I just can't seem to focus on anything I used to love. I'm going to get caught up on the Marriage Law RP, but in the meantime, I'd LOVE some recs for good, loooooooooong, plotty/smutty fics. Pairings I'm not particular about, so long as they include at least one of the following:
Snape, Remus, Hermione, Harry, Draco, Neville, Luna, Lucius...
Am open to most others, but do NOT want any with the following as main chars:
Sirius, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Crabbe/Goyle, Filch, etc
Please please please, suggestions?
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Mar. 8th, 2008 @ 07:30 pm
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Papa died this morning. Died at 1:30 am; the toxins had built up in his body and caused his body to shut down. He was on morphine, and died peacefully with his family around him, though hubby and I had just gone home. Just gotten home, as that night was.....rough. Really rough for all of us.
Papa chose to go off the dialysis in one of his lucid moments; and later, when he was no longer responsive but still breathing, mama removed his CPAP machine - something that keeps a person breathing when they're sleeping. Some of the relatives are still giving mama trouble over that, and are mad that she had an old family friend named Frank staying here the last few days to help.
Frankly (Har har) I can't stand Frank. He's one of those - aggressive huggers, who swoop down and SQUEEZE the life out of you. And if your a girl and your boobs are sore, that's not a treat as he's really a chest-on hugger and I had to tell him that "Yo, your hugs HURT".
He's also kind of creepy. He....well, he's from a church were he gets called Brother Frank or something, and insists everyone calls him that even if you're not of his denomination or anything. And family has to call him 'Uncle Frank' - even the adults. Sorry, but where I come from, you earn the right to address adults by their first name when you live on your own and support yourself! Besides, he seems to not be particularly helpful, from what I can see; he's been clashing with the pagan side of the family; he hates them, they hate him - as if this family isn't divided enough over religion!
It's hard enough dealing with papa's death, but we're struggling to see how many days we can afford to take off for this (3 paid bereavement days, total), and I also found out that my inlaws all think I'm a pathetic loser not worthy of respect because I am a coward and am afraid of driving and don't have a 'real' job. That's a - well, in some ways it's like, nothing new. I mean, i grew UP being told that I was good-for-nothing and destined to be a failure, anyway. But in other ways it's crushing, because to me, I'm working hard to overcome my cowardice and issues, and I've *made* progress, but everyone else only sees how much farther I have to GO, and never how far I've COME. And I'd had hopes that my inlaws were different from my parents, more supportive and understanding.
*sigh* Anyway. I miss papa; little things keep setting me off to cry. After two years of a steady deterioration of his quality of life (and that's just the two years I was actually around for it - I know it all began long before that), we all were prepared as much as could be, and we all got to say our goodbyes and we god video tapes of it. And we know now papa's not suffering, he's in a better place, and we'll see him again. He died on mama's birthday; the funeral is being held on what would have been their 25th wedding anniversary. Before papa became unresponsive, he told mama he wanted to give her a ring for her anniversary gift; a tear-drop shaped diamond set on a gold band. Mama went and got it, and put on her wedding dress, and papa put it on her finger....and they disconnected the dialysis machine that night.
While mama picked out a ring, papa told hubby and I he wanted to replace the wedding ring I lost (a cheap, simple ring, since I tend to lose things easily), and that - oh man, it tore me apart that papa remembered something like that when he was only semi-lucid.
So today we went and looked at rings. Yellow gold has gone up - but I very badly wanted to have a ring again for the viewing and funeral Monday and Tuesday. I found a perfect ring, though, on discount for $80:
http://www.camelotbridal.com/collection/detail.php?pid=00000000323
It's like that, only without the silver edging. If you took out the gold centre band, that's what it would look like. Old fashioned, romantic: papa would have laughed, but he would have approved. It's the last gift papa ever gave us, so let's pray I don't lose it.
Anyway. That's sort of what's going on here. My parents are actually going to come to the funeral. My sister actually called to offer condolences, and I thought "awwww!" for all of ten seconds before that idiot was once again trying to bully me into moving out to CO and bragging about the 150k house they just bought with "5 bedrooms, two full baths, backyard, huge kitchen, walkin closets, etc" before I wanted to smack her. They can't stay out of debt even when they HAVE money, how are they going to pay for that when Nate's military job ends? Which it ends in May....sis's part-time job at Barnes and Noble is NOT going to pay enough for a house of that price range. And it was just so tactless - telling us that right after papa died, while we're lookng around at our own, tiny, 920 sq ft run-down house with a broken drain and no doors inside and an old octopus furnace and ONE closet in the whole house and a 1920s kitchen sink that only works with clamps to turn on the faucet...yu get the idea.
I wish - I hope, after this, perhaps life will be a little more SIMPLE. And for life to cut all of us a little slack. Please keep us in prayer; most of all for mama.Current Mood: sad |
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Mar. 3rd, 2008 @ 10:49 pm
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I know no one really reads my journal anymore, but humor me, if you do. I need to ....vent, rant a little. I'm hurting a bit.
I think you may know my papa is dying. My father in law, but so very precious to me. He hugs me, smiles when I come over, talks to me, encourages me, cheers me on. He believed in us when I started dating his son, and when we married he was there and gave a blessing. But for all of that - I have relatively few memories with him. I don't have those inside jokes that all the rest of the family has.
What I do have is silliness - making papa and the others laugh. I tease papa about threatening to paint his nails, about petting his head and getting him to pet my head, about making him animal socks....it's all I have. It always makes me smile.
But today, the younger brother told me to stop saying that stuff, that it's "Not funny, and they all hated it, him included". it hurt - a lot. And it took me a few minutes before it sunk in that to me, he was challenging the only real bond I have with papa beyond being "the hubby's wife". And I couldn't help realising, bitterly, that the brother in law has ALWAYS made fun of - mocked, not been just 'teasing' - my interaction of papa. Mama caught papa petting my head on tape, and he kept threatening to lose it, and telling papa to not humor me....
I am also a little upset too that of everyone but the youngest little brother (who just flew home, and is wonderful) has had time to talk to papa and say their last farewells - on phone, if nothing else. But since he went in the hospital, I never had a moment alone with him when he was awake and lucid. And he went downhill so fast! No one expected this. Not at all...
It hurts but I keep telling myself it's ok. And it is ok, not getting to talk to him privately for a few lucid minutes. I have always made a point of saying what needs to be said without waiting, so papa knows all the important things from me: I love you, thank you, I'm sorry, we won't forget, we'll take care of each other. But what RUBS is that none of the family members asked if I needed time with him, or gave me a few private minutes, and now he's not really lucid. That, and followed up by the brother sort of attacking my only link to papa....hurt.
I know papa's ready to go. Little things he's saying - he's been sick and suffering for so long. It's just so very very hard to say goodbye and let go of a man so close to our hearts.
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Manoir Acajou - Part One
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Feb. 25th, 2008 @ 11:26 pm
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Title: Manoir Acajou
Author: Serpenscript
Written For: ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) ships_harry
Word Count: 13,500ish
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Severus/Harry
Warnings: DH Spoilers, established character death, some EWE, spanking, angst, D/s, sexual situations
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Summary: After the war, Harry flees to France to escape his memories. But he can't escape his dreams...
Notes: I hope you don't mind that I sort of rolled all the prompts into one huge snowball. Any faceflops or mistakes are due to my own failings, and not those of my over-burdened beta. Happy Hols, ships_harry!
It's months late, but I'm finally posting this to my own journal. I want my friends to read it. I want people to comment. This story was written for an exchange, but it was also my desperate wish to bring some closure to the very raw ending of a series many enjoyed, and dignity to characters we all loved to love.
( Part One )
Link to Part Two |
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Manoir Acajou - Part Two
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Feb. 25th, 2008 @ 11:22 pm
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Title: Manoir Acajou
Author: Serpenscript
Written For: ships_harry
Word Count: 13,500ish
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Severus/Harry
Warnings: DH Spoilers, established character death, some EWE, spanking, angst, D/s, sexual situations
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Summary: After the war, Harry flees to France to escape his memories. But he can't escape his dreams...
Notes: I hope you don't mind that I sort of rolled all the prompts into one huge snowball. Any faceflops or mistakes are due to my own failings, and not those of my over-burdened beta. Happy Hols, ships_harry!
It's months late, but I'm finally posting this to my own journal. I want my friends to read it. I want my friends to comment. I want to know that this was worth it, because I don't know when I'll be able to write again.
( Part Two )
Link back: Part One |
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I know I haven't posted in forever. Most of you probably think I'm dead. I don't know how much I'll be posting from now on, and I have at least one fic I want to post in my journal before I entirely vanish, but I wanted to let my fandom friends know what was going on, for what it's worth.
My papa, my father-in-law, is dying. He's in the last stages of renal failure, and dialysis isn't working very well - and he's in a lot of pain. Constant pain. He's also unable to walk more than a few feet, he can't feel his feet and hands, he can barely see, and he can't eat his favourite foods. The medicines for pain means he sleeps a lot, when the pain actually lets him sleep.
It's hard. We're all trying to take care of him as best we can, but he's tired. We're tired. And it ended up with hospice being called.
Probably around Easter break, when the little brother can come home from college, he'll go off dialysis and have done with pain, suffering....and life.
It's hard to watch him suffer. It's hard for us to let him go. Even harder, to smile and cherish these last days without tears so he will have no regrets.
It's hard to feel selfish and want more time with him, and feeling guilty for wanting more time when he just wants to go, to be done with all this.
It's been rough, overall. Some days I spend from 9 am to 9 pm cleaning and cooking and watching over papa, and people come home grumpy and sour and complain about what I haven't gotten done, and I feel like shite. Or someone explodes and rants at me - and then I wonder why I'm even here. The younger brother pretty much told me that I was no good because i didn't have a 'real job, didn't drive a car, and was afraid of living in the city....that the only good thing I've done is marry his older brother. And the older brother/hubby didn't defend me at all....
I also had a sore spot triggered in the way of old bitter memories when someone joined facebook and friended me and others just to upload and flaunt their baby-bump pictures and sonograms. I mean, come on....you didn't care enough to keep in touch after college, in spite of phonecalls and emails you didn't return, you promised a card/gift for my wedding and then sent nothing (oh, you were too 'busy' to come to it), and then, bint-that-you-are, you pop up after 4 years and expect me to be happy-happy-joy-joy over your bloody offspring?
Problem is, this is a repeat problem. SO MANY BRAINLESS PEOPLE pull this stunt, and my response is always the same: "NO, I'm not buying a card, a gift, or coming to your baby shower to 'celebrate' your spawn, any more than I'd show up to the shower of someone whose name and location I do not know, so shut the hell up and get out of my life like you did so HAPPILY before!"
....Just needed to rant a little. After almost 2 years here in the city, I still have no friends. I pwn patheticness. No wonder I have no defenders.
What do you say when you hear him ask mama, "Will you snuggle with me when I'm dying?"
When the hubby and brothers ask, "What do you say to someone you won't talk to again until you're dead?"
When the people who visit, knowing they won't be able to visit again before he's gone, ask, "What do I say? What can I do?"
I love you. Thank you. I'm sorry. I'll take care of the others. It seems to cover the bases, but still seems inadequate for such a great man.
Feb. 25th, 2008 @ 02:26 pm
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Well, now we're into December. Still fightin' the cough o' death, but with the help of lemonbalm, hyssop, comfrey, thyme, peppermint, skullcap, and honey, I think I'm feeling a little better equipped to overcome it. Hopefully soon, I'm tired of being knocked on my back by this racking cough. Once I start, I can't stop til I've keeled over. It's exhausting! We haven't got our tree up or anything yet, and I have company on Wednesday, and the house is a mess. :(
That's supposed to be my tree, like everyone else is doing, only it's not bloody working! Bah humbug!
Because everyone else is doing it! And I'm not going to do the "10 Signs you know it's my writing/art" becaue the ONLY thing inherent to my work is purple prose or anime style, and that's not really decisive is it?
One more fic to go, and commissions and whatnot. And yes, PLEASE, I accept art commissions.
Dec. 2nd, 2007 @ 10:21 pm
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I think fate has it in for me. I don't know what a 'normal' month is.
Thanksgiving was ok - noisy beyond belief, and I'm not used to screaming kids and adults screaming to be heard over them. It definitely wasn't fun talking about how long Papa will survive. For those of you who don't know, he's on dialysis, but it's not working so well anymore and he's slowly dying.
And two days later, I'm sick - most likely caught the bug from someone on thanksgiving, 'cause otherwise I haven't been around anyone but the hubby, and he's healthy as a horse.
My throat hurts so much I can barely swallow, talking is a trial. My body aches, and I think I'm running a fever. NONE of these bode well for NaNo, or finishing my fics.
That's frustating, because I've been working DAMN hard on them. SO DAMN HARD. Last night I worked ALL night before the fever really hit, just trying to finish. And I'm SO close. I've got another page or two to do on the one, and about 5 pages on the other.
And they're both due - over due - on extensions. I hate asking for extensions. I always feel like they'll think I'm not working on it, that I'm making excuses, when i can SHOW evidence I'm working on it when I can. But life just seems to keep getting me down.
I feel like hell. I hate being sick :(
Nov. 24th, 2007 @ 04:18 pm
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....When I CAN get online, the browser crashes after a few minutes! For the love of ANYTHING merciful, what does a girl have to do to get a fully functional, stable browser????
Oct. 24th, 2007 @ 11:57 am
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Birthday was yesterday, and largely unnoticed. I did laundry. I went to a financial class. I managed to survive on 2 hours of sleep, came home, and passed out at 10 pm.
I'm another year older. Woo.
Oct. 5th, 2007 @ 11:08 am
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As if things aren't bad enough lately, now I can't do art commissions until I fix my messed-up computer! Browsers are messed up, and worst of all -
Files in my Procreate Painter Classic software have crashed. Corrupted. No longer work. System restore does nothing, damnit.
I need to reinstall, but I have no idea where the disk is 5 years after I installed - I've NEVER had to do a reinstall! So I'm pretty upset.
If anyone knows a warez site or free site that has Procreate Painter Classic on it, and it works and is non-bugged, I swear I will gift you with art of any pairing you want, doing anything you want!
Birthday is in two days. If things don't shape up, I'll be miserable for it :(
Oct. 2nd, 2007 @ 10:57 pm
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pissed off
